6 years!!
Six years ago today 10/19… I consider this my day, cancer free. I remember it all. And I remember so wanting to be on “the other side" of this, looking back in the rear-view mirror at it… and TODAY = 6 years! Keep them coming!
I kept a journal when I was diagnosed… I needed a way to release my onslaught of feelings and thoughts... there were so many… I read through it the other day… and this is an abbreviated version of what I wrote near the beginning of it all. I think I wrote it this way, because of how often people told me "you got off easy..." and variations of this...
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It is not easy hearing you need a biopsy, knowing that the radiologist saw something.
It is not easy waiting to find out IF you have cancer.
It is not easy hearing you HAVE cancer.
It is not easy waiting to see if your cancer has spread.
It is not easy hearing the treatment options.
It is not easy waiting again to see what treatments are available to you.
It is not easy questioning if you made the right decision for yourself.
It is not easy going into each new dr. office and keeping yourself together.
It is not easy hearing people tell me that others have it so much worse.
It is not easy hearing “you got off easy.”
It is not easy keeping a smile on my face.
It is not easy knowing that you carry a horrible disease in you.
It is not easy realizing that your body failed you.
It is not easy truly realizing that you are mortal.
It is not easy.
Nothing about this is easy.
It's fucking exhausting.
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So with that... I am beyond grateful to be on this side... 6 years! ... tomorrow begin again!
And as always... I scream from the mountain tops.... FUCK CANCER!!
